Family of Origin Work

Old family patterns don’t stay in the past.

They show up in your marriage, your parenting, and how you see yourself. Whether you are navigating current conflict, setting boundaries, or noticing generational habits you swore you wouldn’t repeat, we help you untangle what belongs to you and what doesn’t.

Join Sean Lewis for 50 minutes to discuss your story and map a path forward

When the Past Shows Up in the Present

Family issues don’t always look like shouting matches. Sometimes they show up as invisible rules you still follow, or roles you can’t escape.

If you are reading this, you might recognize these experiences:

The Regression: The moment you walk into your parents’ house, you revert. You become less confident, more defensive, or slip back into being the “quiet one” or the “helper.”
The Repetition: You hear yourself parenting or arguing exactly like your parents did—even though you promised yourself you never would.
The Boundary Guilt: You can’t say “no” to family without agonizing guilt. You feel responsible for their emotions, and choosing yourself feels like a betrayal.
The Invisible Scripts: You are following rules you never agreed to: “Don’t talk about feelings,” “Success is everything,” or “Keep the peace at all costs.”
The Estrangement Ache: You have distanced yourself for your own well-being, but the grief and doubt still weigh on you daily.

The Blueprint (Why It's So Hard to Change)

Your family wrote the original manual on “how to be a person.”

It is where you learned what is safe, how to get love, and how to handle conflict. These patterns became your baseline for “normal” before you had the language to question them.

Why Willpower Isn’t Enough: These patterns often cascade down through generations.

The System: Families are systems. Like a mobile hanging from the ceiling, if you move one piece (you change), the whole system shakes.
The Resistance: When you try to change your role (e.g., stop being the peacemaker), the family often pushes back to get you to return to “normal.” This isn’t just in your head—it is the system trying to stabilize.

Understanding this isn’t about blaming your parents. It is about recognizing what is yours to carry and what isn’t.

My Approach: Untangling the Knots

This work is about Differentiation—developing a clear sense of who you are, separate from your family’s expectations.

1. Mapping the System (The Genogram) We look at the big picture.

The Roles: Were you the Scapegoat? The Golden Child? The Caretaker?
The Lineage: We trace the patterns back. Often, realizing that your parent was acting out their own parent’s unhealed wound creates space for compassion without excusing the harm.

2. Drawing the Line (Differentiation) We work on defining where you end and they begin.

The Work: We identify the difference between your values and the values you inherited. We learn that you are not responsible for managing your parents’ emotions.
What to Keep: Not everything from your family is unhealthy. We identify what’s worth keeping and what needs to change.

3. Changing the Dance Once you see the pattern, you can stop participating in it.

Boundaries: We learn to say “no” or limit contact without collapsing into shame.
Response vs. Reaction: We practice pausing when a button is pushed, so you can choose a new response rather than slipping into the old script.

4. Grieving the Gap Family work often involves mourning: grieving the childhood you didn’t have, the parents you needed but didn’t get, or the fantasy that things will change. We make space for this grief.

Note: If your family of origin involved abuse, neglect, or significant trauma, this work may overlap with trauma processing. We pace it carefully and prioritize your safety.

Ready to break the cycle?

Family patterns are powerful, but they aren’t permanent. Let’s figure out what you inherited, what you want to keep, and what needs to change.

Assessment, goal-setting, and your personalized plan.

What Change Looks Like

Family of origin work is deep, and often slow.

● The Awareness: You start noticing the “hook” before you bite. You catch the guilt before it controls your decision.
● The Pushback: You learn to tolerate the discomfort of your family being unhappy with your boundaries, knowing that their reaction is not your responsibility.
● The Goal: You develop a clear sense of self. You can stay connected to your family (if you choose) without losing yourself in the process.