Relationships & Connection
Repeating conflicts, communication breakdowns, or feeling lonely even when you’re not alone.
We examine what is happening beneath the surface. We explore the patterns shaping your connections and build the skills to change them. You will learn to identify your role in the cycle without drowning in shame.
Join Sean Lewis for 50 minutes to discuss your story and map a path forward
The Disconnect
Relationship struggles don’t always look like dramatic fights. Sometimes they show up as slow disconnection, or a sense that you’re not truly known by the people closest to you.
If you are reading this, you might recognize these experiences:
- The Script: You keep having the same argument. The topic changes (dishes, money, intimacy), but the underlying dynamic is exactly the same every time.
- The Wall: You want connection, but vulnerability feels dangerous. You have built barriers to keep people at a safe distance—but now you feel isolated behind them.
- Walking on Eggshells: You are constantly managing someone else’s emotions to avoid a blow-up, or you shut down completely to keep the peace.
- The “Chameleon”: You lose yourself in relationships. You become who you think the other person wants you to be, abandoning your own needs and preferences, leaving you feeling invisible and resentful.
- The Phantom: You feel lonely even when you are sitting right next to your partner or friends. The conversation stays on the surface.
Why We Get Stuck (It's Not You, It's The Pattern)
Relationship problems aren’t usually about finding the “right” person or fixing the “wrong” one.
They are about patterns—often learned early in life—that shape how you react when connection feels threatened.
When we feel disconnected or anxious in relationships, we usually revert to one of two moves: we Pursue (anxiously try to fix it, demand answers, cling) or we Withdraw (shut down, leave the room, go silent). While most people have a primary tendency, we can shift between these depending on the situation.
The Trap: These styles feed each other. The more one person pushes for connection, the more the other pulls away to feel safe. The more they pull away, the more the other pushes.
The Result: You aren’t fighting each other; you are fighting the Cycle.
My Approach: From Conflict to Connection
This is individual therapy focused on your relationship patterns. We work on understanding yourself and building skills—whether you’re in a relationship, navigating family dynamics, or working on friendships.
Healthy relationships require both self-awareness and practical skills.
1. Mapping the Cycle We start by identifying the loop you are stuck in.
- The Shift: We move from “You are the problem” to “The pattern is the problem.” We identify your specific triggers and how you typically react when you feel disconnected.
2. Attachment Work (The Roots) We look at why you react the way you do.
- The Insight: We explore your attachment style (Anxious, Avoidant, or Secure). This isn’t about blaming your parents; it’s about understanding your “relationship operating system” so you can update it.
3. Communication Skills (The Tools) Insight is great, but you also need tools for Tuesday night when you’re tired.
- The Practice: We learn to express needs without attacking. We learn to listen without defending. We practice setting boundaries—learning to say no and protect your needs without guilt. We work on repair—because healthy relationships still have conflict, they just know how to fix it afterwards.
Important Note
If you are in a relationship involving physical violence or coercive control, couples work is often not safe. In those cases, we focus on individual safety and support first.
Ready to break the cycle?
Relationship patterns can change, but it takes awareness. Let’s figure out what is keeping you stuck and build the skills for healthier connection.
Assessment, goal-setting, and your personalized plan.
What Change Looks Like
Relationship change is gradual.
● The “Pause”: You start catching the pattern in real-time. You realize, “I’m doing that thing where I shut down,” and you choose a different move.
● The Repair: You won’t stop arguing forever. But the arguments will be shorter, less damaging, and you will know how to reconnect afterwards.
● The Goal: You develop the capacity to be seen and known without the protective walls. You feel safe enough to be yourself.
Page Summary
